Post by Brainiac Five on Sept 17, 2012 0:19:30 GMT -5
Querl straightens himself, clearing his throat, and trying his best to look dignified. After all, no reasonable being would want to look like some sort of philistine in their own holo-message recording.
"Salutations, fellow sentient being. Perhaps not as advanced as I, but enough of a competent being to understand certain, basic things. I am Querl Dox, better known as Brainiac Five. Colu's drafted representative on this so-called 'Legion of Superheroes'. It's more of a mangled phalanx, in my opinion, but I digress. ....Ahem. If you are viewing this message, you have stepped into the laboratory complex of this primitive 'headquarters'. If you are only here for 'sightseeing', I very highly suggest that you turn yourself around, and walk away now. However, if you are interested in a certain field of Science, perhaps there could be a place for you here. As the first of these 'Legionnaires' to actually make a place in this lab, and as the only one of you idiots with ninety-two doctorates in various fields, I have already declared myself the head of this laboratory complex. If you feel the need to challenge me for the position, you should consider throwing yourself into Antares. It would certainly be more painless. Now, as the lead authority in the sciences department here, I have quite obviously devised rules that should be given immediate and constant attention."
At that, Querl pulled up a holoscreen, opening a list document, which he began to read from. His voice monotonous, yet very cool. A slight tone of malice insinuated within his words, only making his superiority issues all the more obvious.
"First: No one is to touch the safe containing hazardous radioactive materials. That is why they are in a safe, simpletons. Second: If anyone touches my experiments, or goes near my specific lab table, you will wake to scorpions in your pillow. It will not be pleasant. For you, anyways. Third: There is no 'Fun' here. 'Fun' will give you a ninety percent chance of being suspended from this area of headquarters. Heat-seeking lazer modules will ensure this. Fourth: There is absolutely no food allowed in this laboratory, that is not for testing with. If you cannot discern the reasoning for this, then you should leave immediately. None of your pathetic 'coconut guts' about it. Then, there is the fifth rule: If you cause this laboratory to explode, then you clean it up, and pay for all the damaged equipment. Out of your own pocket."
He takes a breath after saying that. Blinking a few times, before continuing. "There of course, may or may not be more rules, as I learn what intelligence levels all of you lesser beings may possess. There may be more lenience, or much more strict laws to abide by. It depends on whether your single synapse decisions are positive as a whole, or not. Choose wisely, and please, do not make a fool out of yourself."
"End Recording."
"Salutations, fellow sentient being. Perhaps not as advanced as I, but enough of a competent being to understand certain, basic things. I am Querl Dox, better known as Brainiac Five. Colu's drafted representative on this so-called 'Legion of Superheroes'. It's more of a mangled phalanx, in my opinion, but I digress. ....Ahem. If you are viewing this message, you have stepped into the laboratory complex of this primitive 'headquarters'. If you are only here for 'sightseeing', I very highly suggest that you turn yourself around, and walk away now. However, if you are interested in a certain field of Science, perhaps there could be a place for you here. As the first of these 'Legionnaires' to actually make a place in this lab, and as the only one of you idiots with ninety-two doctorates in various fields, I have already declared myself the head of this laboratory complex. If you feel the need to challenge me for the position, you should consider throwing yourself into Antares. It would certainly be more painless. Now, as the lead authority in the sciences department here, I have quite obviously devised rules that should be given immediate and constant attention."
At that, Querl pulled up a holoscreen, opening a list document, which he began to read from. His voice monotonous, yet very cool. A slight tone of malice insinuated within his words, only making his superiority issues all the more obvious.
"First: No one is to touch the safe containing hazardous radioactive materials. That is why they are in a safe, simpletons. Second: If anyone touches my experiments, or goes near my specific lab table, you will wake to scorpions in your pillow. It will not be pleasant. For you, anyways. Third: There is no 'Fun' here. 'Fun' will give you a ninety percent chance of being suspended from this area of headquarters. Heat-seeking lazer modules will ensure this. Fourth: There is absolutely no food allowed in this laboratory, that is not for testing with. If you cannot discern the reasoning for this, then you should leave immediately. None of your pathetic 'coconut guts' about it. Then, there is the fifth rule: If you cause this laboratory to explode, then you clean it up, and pay for all the damaged equipment. Out of your own pocket."
He takes a breath after saying that. Blinking a few times, before continuing. "There of course, may or may not be more rules, as I learn what intelligence levels all of you lesser beings may possess. There may be more lenience, or much more strict laws to abide by. It depends on whether your single synapse decisions are positive as a whole, or not. Choose wisely, and please, do not make a fool out of yourself."
"End Recording."
